I have a missionary friend in South Africa who my parents and I have been supporting for the last little while now. Just before Christmas I decided to send some money to her online via Western Union and proceeded to do so without checking if it was the best method. It proved, in fact, not to be the best method, and I had to do some research on how to go about canceling the transaction. Once that step was done, I waited to see if the money would appear back into my bank account. A few days passed and nothing transpired.
Last night before Nuni and I went to sleep, we had a little chat in which I expressed my frustrations about the whole situation. He told me not to worry about it and to give it some more time. Then he told me that I should be more careful when sending money – that I shouldn’t assume things – and that’s something I tend to do.
“But I was so excited about sending her the money!!” I exclaimed in defense.
“Why are you speaking to me like that?” He asked.
“Because I’m defensive,” I explained. “I’m protecting myself because I want to be perfect and I hate being stupid.”
Almost immediately, he responded, “It’s okay to be stupid.”
I think you know what kind of “stupid” I’m talking about. Making mistakes. I am fighting a constant battle with perfectionism. My inner monologue often goes something like this: “I’ve been a Christian for years, I was even a YWAM leader… and I’m not perfect yet?!” And even though I constantly remind myself that “Lindsay, you’re never going to be perfect,” somehow it just hasn’t sunk in yet. Making mistakes is no fun for anyone, but unfortunately, they are inevitable. What matters is how you handle them. Of course, we want to solve them right away, but I think that probably the first and most important thing you should do is ask for God’s forgiveness, receive it, and then forgive yourself. Don’t let the enemy push you down any further – he’ll almost certainly try. I didn’t want to accept Nuni’s words last night, but eventually I realized he was right – it’s okay to be stupid.
I wrote this entry in my journal and this verse was at the bottom of the page: “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 1:6
I thought it was rather fitting! We’re gonna grow and learn until we die or until Jesus comes. Get used to it!
p.s. I did receive the money, the very next morning.